Raising Adults

Something has been on my mind lately… let me begin with little story.

I grew up on a farm out in the country. My father wanted boys - but he got four girls. It didn't matter to him though, we worked like we were boys anyway. My sisters and I walked to the bus stop in all types of weather. We split, stacked and hauled firewood. We mucked out pig pens and lugged buckets of water out to the farm animals. We hauled heavy bags of grain that were practically bigger than we were. There were no breaks in work - we just worked until the jobs were finished. I learned to drive the hay truck when I was 9 years old. I was not even tall enough to reach the petals so dad placed a gas can behind my back so I could, but I could still not shift gears AND see over the wheel at the same time. Let’s just say North Idaho was a little behind the times in those days.

Now, there were certainly aspects of these chores I enjoyed like the reward of seeing a pile of wood disappear as you split and stack it. Knowing that the wood will keep you warm all winter. Raking the fallen maple leaves into piles and seeing the yard become clean again. Walking to the bus stop became my time of peace. But like most kids I resented having to wake up at 5am to get ready to go to school for the entire day and then come home just to do chores and more school and then to bed. There is a lot more to this story than I am going to share today - but I will also briefly add that things in our house were pretty dysfunctional - our days were tangled up with emotions, outbursts and anger from an unhappy father. We learned to survive. It was all we could do.

As you can imagine living in such chaos brought on a vision of peace for the future life I planned to live out. I dreamed of being a mother and having children. I dreamed of a different life for them than the one I had experienced. I wanted them to enjoy their childhood, have very little work and thrive in a loving and understanding environment…. Farming was certainly not apart of that dream.

After I moved out I got married and had a small amount of adult life under my belt when I started what I call my health journey. Learning about our food system and how broken it was. Having the health care system fail me many times. Then when the desire to start my career as a mother grew it was pretty clear farming was going to be apart of my future whether I liked it or not. So I started growing food and learning to preserve it… the passion grew quickly inside of me. eventually I learned it had not been the farming that had caused me pain - but the relationships. So I embraced the farming life - though at that time we still didn’t live on one. As I began to learn farming things life started to change here in North Idaho… more people moved here and the demand for internet grew. Access to information was getting easier and the homesteading movement across America had begun. The word “farming” was a thing of the past. It was replaced by the word “homesteading”.

Once we had moved onto our own property and I began to really get into the homesteading lifestyle my outlook on my childhood changed greatly. Animals must be fed morning and night. Rain or shine. Extremely cold or Blistering heat. Homesteading is hard work! I began to realize I had been trained as a child unknowingly to be able to live this life! I became extremely grateful for those childhood lessons. I learned to appreciate those long cold walks in the dark to the bus stop. I was thankful for the scary treks to the chicken coop at night when we knew there was a mountain lion in the area. I am thankful that I learned the discipline it would take to live this life at such an early age. There are many people who start their homestead journey without the benefit of a childhood like mine.

I tell you this story because it’s gotten me to thinking about my own kids and the way I’ve been raising them…. perhaps I’ve gone about it in the wrong way. Have I been robing them of something that could help them live better adult lives? Please don’t get me wrong. There is certainly a fine line between teaching your children to do hard things and making them do the work for you because you are lazy. I have no intention of changing the loving environment I raise my children in … however my job is to raise them in the way they should go… So what does that look like in practical terms??? I mean my kids do have daily chores, but I am eh hem… a I am little loose in the “I’m putting my foot down” department. Yes. I have been a total push over. Along with this realization I have been learning boundaries. I’m sure it won’t be shocking to you to hear that I wasn’t allowed to have them growing up and I and I have only just begun to learn them well, but I digress.

How can I train my children to learn hard things?

How can I raise them to be different than their generation?

How can I set them up for success in life?

It starts today. I truly believe teaching children responsibility and discipline will give them a foundation to make them better adults. So what will that look like in our house?

For starters having the kids get up at a decent hour - not that I have to worry to much about this one - my kids are early risers like me. Having them get dressed and not lazing around in pjs (shhh don’t tell them other homeschoolers get to do this). I expect a job done well. If the job is worth doing it is worth doing right. This is something I have struggled to hold the line on. Having been in survival mode has not been helpful to me here… but now I am making positive changes. I am working to be a good example as well as encouraging them to do their best.

I am working to teach them to not give up when something is hard. I make sure they get lots of encouragement and of course are show how to do the job first. Everyone pitches in. If we all share the work no one has to work hard. I am teaching them to be brave - they can go out and help feed animals in the dark (they don’t need to know I watch them from the window sometimes). Lastly I am not sheltering them from death. Sadly loss on a farm happens - if I shelter my kids from it they will never learn to value life. We are a meat eating family therefore our very existence is allowed by the sacrifice of a life. If we loose connection to that we devalue life and end up with kids who don’t feel the consequences of their actions. Now, before you get this terrible picture in your head of blood and gore I don’t mean that at all. I just mean when something like a baby rabbit dies I show them and allow them to experience grief and the weight of that loss. I give them the opportunity to help in the processing of our meat and encourage them to be apart of it in any way they can be. How can they learn these lessons otherwise?

I’ve heard it said, " I am not raising good kids. I am raising responsible adults.” I love this. It was those hard lessons of my childhood that helped mold me into the person I am today. Was it pleasant? Not very often. Does it make things that were wrong right? No. It doesn’t. What it does do is reframe the hard things into something positive and wonderful. Thankfulness is the breeding ground for joy.

These days I hum and sing while I do my chores. Homesteading is a blessed life - even on challenging and hard days. What is this teaching my children? It’s teaching them to be joyfully while they work. Work can be fun. In fact why shouldn’t it be when we spend 1/3 of our life working? That’s a lot of life spent in misery if we don’f choose to find the joy.

I hope this blog inspires you if you’ve been a soft parent to tighten up the reigns a little. And if you’ve been a hard parent to find the joy in work. Remember there is a balance. Find the middle ground. The goal is raising adults that other people enjoy being around. Inspire. Empower. Cultivate.

Sincerely,

Your Favorite Crazy Plant Lady