Homesteading Single: My New Life

Did your life plan blow up in your face like mine did? Have you found yourself homesteading with children and doing it single and alone? Well you have come to the right place - welcome friend. I see you. All that you do that goes unnoticed day in and day out. I hear you. Every tear that has fallen, every excited moment of breakthrough you’ve had and not had that special someone to share it with and every frustration that you just need someone to work it out with. I am right there with you. I get it. Oh, I get it to the depth of my soul.

“The only person that is stuck is the one who believes they are.”

- Esther Munroe

I had my 10 year plan all worked out. I had projects and things that I wanted to accomplish on our farm. I even took into account the fact that It was “my thing” - me and my three kids that is. Life takes some pretty crazy hairpin turns sometimes and well 10 year plans don’t mean much. I was prepared to walk away from all that I’d built with these children growing in on or around me. The cabin in the woods. The gardens. The animals. Everything. If that’s what it took to win the love of my life back…. well in the end it didn't take all that. I got to keep all those things, but I lost my childhood sweetheart. (If you’d like to hear more about this part of my story you can watch here.) So here I am now homesteading, homeschooling my three children, running a business and finding the balance in this new life… single.
Homesteading is hard.

Homeschooling is hard.

Raising kids is an all caps HARD!!!

There is a reason God intended raising children to be a couples activity. It’s one thing when you are doing these things with a partner who knows you, knows your struggles and can help remind you of who you are and that you are doing a good job on your worst days. What are you supposed to do when you don’t have that partner any more?

So here’s the thing. You chose homesteading. At some point in your life you said this is the life I want and I want it for my family… has that change? For me… no. It has not. While homesteading and homeschooling both are hard work and you certainly go through exhausting phases there are also times when the work load lightens up and you hit a stride in the school routine. While there are often long days at home… hey! There are beautiful LONG days at home! How often do people say ugh! Time flys by… ? Yes money may be tighter for you now, there are plenty of things your partner probably used to do that now you have to do and you are in fact alone (more on this later)… there is also lots of outside time, the homestead is the classroom you can do homeschooling while getting things done - even though it might not be conventional …. uh hey… wait a second… isn’t that why we chose it in the first place? AND you have built in farmhands! Yep that’s right! Get those kids involved! Kids need responsibility. They crave boundaries, guidelines and a kind, firm and steady hand raising them. It makes them feel safe and secure. Isn’t that what we all want for our precious babies? I know I sure do.

How do we do this life successfully? Well that is the million dollar question isn’t it? I have thought long hours, prayed day and night and contemplated this question. The answer didn’t come all at once… in fact I’m still not sure I’m doing it “successfully” but I’m doing it and that has to count for something. Right? Here are some things that have really helped me get to where I am now. I thought they might help you too.

1. Let people help you. Family. Friends. Neighbors. Seriously more often than not people want purpose. They want to feel included. I know I sure do and I feel good when I help others. So let people join you when you need it most. This can also come in the form of government assisted programs (I know. I know. Remember it’s only for a season… you aren’t stuck and you’re not taking advantage of it) Make connections and build community.

2. Get Creative with Solutions! Change up your routine until you find one that works for a while. Get the kids involved it will help give them a sense of control in these uncertain times. Let other people help. Re-frame friend time… for example if you are harvesting peas tell them of course they can come visit but give them a job to do.

3. Take time for fun. Seriously. Do it. (pssstttt I might be saying this to myself also lol.) That to do list is never going to be done… you know I’m right. We are homesteaders. And now we are single homesteaders. That list. Ya it’s not goin anywhere. Put it down. Yep. Right now. Put it down and go do something fun. Be fun with your kids. Do something fun without your kids. Think back on your favorite things in life and see if you can re-introduce them. Dance party in the living room, A hike, setting a fancy dinner table, play a game… make silly faces. Just smile. It will feel good. I promise. The time to do something fun is when you feel the worst. Stop what you are doing and switch gears. It really will help. Lastly make time to celebrate those wins. Reward yourself. Call a fellow homestead friend. Write it down. Say it outloud. Jump up and down. Don’t stop celebrating just because your partner isn’t there to share it with you any more.

4. Self Care. Seriously TAKE CARE OF YOU!!! I cannot stress this enough. You cannot remain kind and calm with children running around being children, when there is a million things to do and only one of you to manage it all. The stress will eventually overrun you. You have to make sure you are taken care of. You don’t have anyone there to remind you any more…so I am reminding you now. Take care of yourself. Please. Eat healthy. Cook real food. Enjoy what you work hard for. Exercise. Stretch. Get up before the feral homestead children are awaked and enjoy the peace and quiet. Fill up your spirit with time with God. Ask Him for help and direction. Make yourself and your little family a priority.

5. Remind yourself why you homestead. For me I care deeply about the quality of food and medicine I have in my home. I want trustworthy ingredients. I like to live simply, quietly, a slower life. I love nature and homesteading is an extension of that for me. What’s your why?

6. Redefine your abilities. You are going to have to get really honest with yourself here. What can you as a single person with children do and not do? It all falls on you now. You will enjoy life more in this season if you do not overextend yourself as best as you can. Pivot if necessary. Prioritize family and relationship over your to do list. Cut out everything that isn’t a must or you don’t enjoy. Set your new plumb line and make necessary adjustments. One thing I had to think long as hard about was my “electricity” or lack there of … My cabin runs primarily on propane. The stove, the dryer and the hot water tank. I need a larger tank, but funds aren’t there. I cannot lift the large tank I have and really it takes 2- 3 adults to do this… but I do have a medium sized tank I can lift. While it is going to be a total pain in the neck I can fit a weekly trip into my schedule and get it filled without requiring outside help constantly. This will at least get us by until I can save enough for a larger tank. The problems you face can have many solutions.

7. Redefine your needs as a homesteading family. The dietary and medical needs may have changed. Perhaps you don’t need as much now. Maybe you can grow more of the things you like and less of something else. What are your like and dislikes? Perhaps you are like me and no longer have a hunter in the family. This could have a large impact on your protein source. How will you meet your new needs?

The most important thing is to give yourself love and time to heal. Whatever the cause for your single life you and possibly your children have gone through a traumatic experience that may or may not get easier for a while. It’s okay to have bad days… maybe even a few rough weeks here and there. The important thing is to keep getting back up, hold onto those values of yours, remember why you are a homesteader and give yourself plenty of grace in this season. Remember it’s a season and before you know it you will look back and be amazed at all God did for you in this time.

Learn & Grow

- Esther