Acceptance

A friend recently shared with me a podcast by The Connected Life, on acceptance and it was life changing. I didn't realize that I was not living in acceptance until I listened to this message. I’ve been walking through some pretty tough things in my life. Divorce, loss of financial security, loss of the life I thought I was going to live. It turns out I was resisting. Resisting acceptance. Fighting so hard to not live in the reality that is now my life.

Though I had been diligent to check in with myself and my emotions throughout my journey I had not checked in with this part in quite some time. I had walked through accepting where I was many many months ago, but as with many, things there are layers to work through. New places and chapters in life require a fresh look. Sometimes we have to go back through the steps just as we had done the first time around.

I was raised by a working mom. A nurse. Sympathy was not something that was passed out frequently. I learned to be efficient, helpful, stoic and self sufficient. I have high expectations of myself and tend to really beat myself up when I fall short of making the mark. My mark. While I have worked very hard on these things over many many years I have found that when hard seasons of life come I tend to revert back to old habits.

During the podcast the couples walk you through the process of acceptance. (After I wrote this I went through my journal and found that I had done a VERY similar method months ago and totally forgotten about it!) - I’m not one to just sit and listen to something passively. If something resonates and is filled with truth I take action immediately. I could tell this was one of those things. So I sat there and listened, then paused the audio and walked through it, right there in that very moment.

Friends, let me tell you this has been so so hard. I fought for my marriage with absolutely everything in me. I wanted it to be better. To work. To be fixed. I had word after word that It would be. I had so many people tell me that everything would work out. Well, it didn’t. Why? Because it takes two people to choose to make it work. And when one person chooses and the other doesn’t it doesn't matter how much you give to it it simply can’t work. Typing this… seeing these words in print:

It Failed.

I sit here looking at those words. The curser blinking steadily on the screen. Letting them sink in. If I accept this what does that mean? What does it say about me?

That’s where my hang up has been. “What does this say about me?” You know what? Nothing, it says absolutely nothing. Do you know why? Because it wasn’t my choice. That wasn’t my doing. I do not have to accept responsibility for someone else’s actions any more.

I accepted that I am divorced. I accepted that I do not have a consistent income. I accepted that my life isn’t going to be what I had planned on it being…. I can always tell when something is right for me because it brings peace… AS SOON as I accepted these circumstances I felt a shift in my being. Freedom came! I could feel a part of me relax and the tension lift. It was incredible.

I’ve done enough inner healing to know you can’t just stop in that place. You also have to work through forgiveness… so I did. And then I hit play once more.

Validate your feelings. Oh! This was a hard one for me. This happened and I feel this way about it… and so on. It took me a while, but I did it. I am divorced. I feel scared. I feel alone. I feel like I will never be ok again. I feel …. I continued until I named each of my feelings. And then I moved onto the last part - naming what I can change and the things that I cannot change. We all have things in our life that we cannot change. These are the things we just have to accept and let go of, but there are many things in life that we can change… including our thoughts and attitudes toward a situation. If we can do that we can move from a reactionary position to a response position. Much more positive!

SOMETHING AMAZING HAPPENED

I felt such a change in my sprit. I felt suddenly rested. Relaxed. I was not in a fight stance! …and then the joy flooded in.

I decided to take this one step further. I sat and envisioned in my mind’s eye the life that I have. A farm. Being a mama. Being a homemaker. I am debt free. I own my own business, Esthers Eden. I am creating a loving environment for my children to grow up in and on and on…. and you know what I realized? I have a pretty amazing life. I realized that even though I wasn’t married any more and I have to work a “job” like so many others, I still had created the life I wanted. I have so much to be thankful for!

I’ve noticed in the days following my acceptance session I’ve been more at peace in my life - even when the dog ran off. Even when the kids were arguing. Even when things didn’t go the way I expected them to. I’ve been able to stay in a calm state of mind. Staying in a calm state of mind I can actually remember in these moments of life that are overwhelming to call out to God and say “HELP!” How do you want me to respond? Where are you in this? I am able to lead my children and teach them a better way and that’s a pretty amazing thing.

Are you struggling with acceptance? Are there circumstances in your life that you can change? Check out this podcast!! I hope it helps you as much as it has helped me! - Here are a few more things that have really helped me in this season.

I have found it helpful to keep a journal so that I can look back and realized just how far I’ve come. I like to take notes (note taking day in school was always my favorite lol!) and journaling isn’t to far from that. When I listen to a podcast or a YouTube video or read something that I find helpful I jot down some key points and then go back through and apply it to my life. Sometimes I will reflect back on these methods many times until it finally clicks.

Another thing I’ve found helpful is to keep a separate gratitude/positivity journal. Each evening I make a list of each thing I found particularly positive about the day or something that I was thankful for. It really makes a difference on the hard days when I go back through and see how many good things have happened in my life. - It is easy to see the things that are going wrong. They scream loudly for attention. While it may be difficult to find even one thing to be thankful for I assure you there is something there… seek and you shall find… Each day that you do this it will become easier and easier. Once you find one thing to be thankful for you make room to see another and then another and another.

I would love to hear your stories on acceptance? Do you have a helpful resource for someone struggling to accept the hard places in life?? Feel free to leave a link down in the comment section. I would love to hear from you.

Learn & Grow

-Esther