Sowing & Reaping: A Lesson in Humility
For many years now, I have had an area of my life that has caused much pain and sorrow. While I cannot share the details quite yet, I can share some things that I’m learning as I walk through this difficult situation, as well as from ones that have been and gone. One of the biggest lessons of this season has been humility - but not the kind you’d normally think of when you hear the word. When I hear the word humble, I think meek, small or insignificant. I think of someone who is not prideful or boastful…. but there is another deeper part to humility that I did not know intimately until very recently. A meaning that is so valuable, I just have to share it with you.
I grew up learning to give of myself, putting others first, treating others as I wanted to be treated. Being an empath (otherwise known as a highly sensitive person), I took these to heart quickly and easily. Between God’s design in me and growing up in a home that had many challenges, I became like a highly trained spy, only the skill I learned is to be able to quickly identify the needs of the people around me. Using this skill, I navigated life doing my best to do all things as if they were for God. I laid aside my own desires and needs in order to meet the needs of others to the best of my ability. Store up your treasures in heaven… and so, I went through life giving and giving and giving…..
Now, let’s pause for a moment. I bet some of you are thinking, Wow, this girl sure is full of herself - humble indeed. I say to you - don’t confuse true humility with false humility. It is good to know one’s strengths and one’s weaknesses. Knowing truth and our design helps us to find others to work with, to fill our weak areas with their strengths, and it goes both ways. To the others here who may be thinking, Oh! boundaries girl! …ya, that’s another area that I’ve been learning and growing in. A quick word on the things I’ve listed above: There is absolutely nothing wrong with living life the way I described previously. In fact, it is a great and honorable thing to live life in this manner - however, as you will see as we go on, there can be an extreme and unhealthy side. To the rest of you, perhaps you’ve already guessed where this is headed. Either way, hang on tight… we are about to go deep. You may want to get a cup of tea (you know me - I already have one by my side) and possibly some tissues.
A steaming cup of tea to helping bring inspiration to me as I blog. Today’s blend is Zen by Tazo®.
When you spend a lifetime giving of yourself, treating others as you would like to be treated, doing your best not to have needs (ya, I know, I know - that’s another story for another day) and going through really tough events, you either become strong and hard, or soft and squishy. I think you can all guess which direction I went. Strong. Dependable. Resilient. AND, holding my hands SHUT tightly. You know what I found out over all these years? You can give and give and give, and people will take and take and take until you have nothing left. You can treat others how you’d like to be treated, but that doesn’t mean they will return the favor. You can try not to have needs, but it doesn’t change the fact that every human being does have needs, even if they are simple and basic. When you throw out your needs, you throw out your wants and desires also. And when you hold your hands so tight-fisted, it stops you from being able to receive and give from God. You stop the kingdom flow.
Storing up treasures in heaven is all well and good except that it can make for a pretty hard life here on earth. It’s like saving up all your money and never spending a dime. A person can only live on a vague concept of future for so long. This practice of ONLY storing up heavenly treasures makes one grow weary of doing good. You might begin to think… No one ever does anything for me. You can become isolated and lonely simply from doing and giving and not receiving. Self sufficiency is one of satan’s greatest lies.
What had I done? I’d spent a lifetime learning to give from my deepest reserves - which come to find out, don’t get refilled very easily. I let people walk all over me, which cost me the things about myself that I loved. It cost me time I could have spent doing things I was called to do, rather than things I did simply because I could and out of my own strength. Which in turn, robbed the one who God meant to do the job. This lesson in humility is the reason there are scriptures that say, “Do not cast your pearls before swine.” (Have you ever seen how pigs eat? Not a pretty sight.) Humility is the reason God says over and over, “Ask, and you shall receive”. The reason He states over and over and over, “I am the giver of life, through Me, you shall be made whole.” He takes care of us and our needs. He fills our hearts and spirits with desires and little things that excite us. AND He leads us on the path that will fulfill us - IF we let Him. He cloaks our vision of the future in a thick fog so that we learn to depend on Him for EVERYTHING. Only once we’ve learned to do this, will He give us more of the picture ahead.
So what was I missing this whole time? I was missing the receiving part. If we don’t learn to humble ourselves and learn to receive, we rob others of the ability of learning to give. If we hold our hands out, but closed, God cannot pour through us, as He so longs to do. I am thankful that God’s got my back, and even when I gave out of my own self, rather than Him, he worked it for good anyway. That’s just who He is. Amazing right?!
The moment I realized I’d missed what God had intended all along. Sixteen people, that I didn’t even know, delivered enough wood to get my little family through the winter. I will be forever thankful for not only the firewood but the lesson that came with it.
How did I come to realize that the way I was living wasn’t quite right? Well, first off, having a moldable heart helped God to be able to lift the veil off my eyes, so I could see more clearly. While I can be tough and self sufficient, my desire to please God and have relationship with Him continues to supremely reign in me. Phew. Second, I started this business called Esther’s Eden and have learned so much about value and worth. People are valuable. Their time is valuable. Their resources are valuable. Rich people aren’t inherently bad just because they are rich. (Ya, isn’t it fun when you start going after weird beliefs that you’ve carried around with you for years? - she says sarcastically) Through undoing these beliefs, I started asking, Am I valuable too? And of course the answer is YES! Oh, how my viewpoint shifted once I began to understand this! Every day for the past several months, I’ve started my morning with a cup of tea beside me and a little prayer that goes like this:
Jesus - I receive all that you have for me today. I hold my hands, my heart and my spirit open to you today to fill up and pour out of. Let your blessing flow through me and all around me. Let wealth and resources flow from heaven. Let abundance be my mindset. Let my eyes see all that you are doing so that I can give thanks to You my King. Amen
I say this prayer with my hands open, ready to receive and ready to give. If you hold the hands to your life open, God is allowed access to give and take as He pleases. Why wouldn’t we want to do this? Well, it can be scary - especially if you have lived a life full of hurts and pains. It can be especially challenging if fear and anxiety have run unchecked. BUT, I say to you, if you allow Him, God will meet you wherever you are at. He will gently guide you and lead you into and through this lesson in humility, as He has done with me. He knows you better than anyone - He created you after all.
God knows when you need a friend to help you learn certain lessons. She reminds me of my favorite childhood stuffy - such a snuggle puppy.
What have been the results of this little prayer I’ve been saying for months now? Oh my goodness, you guys… I have found myself in a position of need! You know God. He’s not just going to give you what you pray for like patience - He is going to give you opportunities to practice - (yes, I have been that girl who prayed for patience … I like to live life on the wild side LOL) So when I opened my life to receive, God gave me many, many, many opportunities to receive. It was here in this place of need that I truly understood what it means to be humble and let others give. The look on the faces of the people giving — Oh my gosh. I know that joy! Swallowing the giant lump in my throat and receiving is entirely new to me. I have never felt more weak in my life than during this season - but being weak and reliant on others has allowed God to be my provider in so many more ways. As it turns out, all the time I’d spent sowing into others brought in a harvest that I could never have imagined, and the TRUTH is that nothing in my life is really mine anyway - it all is because of God. So even though I was going along in my own strength, it was Him all along. He’s just good like that. God doesn’t give because we deserve it, earned it or somehow prayed the “right” prayer… He gives because He loves us. That’s all there is to it.
I know I look rough… It’s been a hard season as you now know…. but I just had to capture this incredible moment. This box of food was delivered by some dear friends. They not only took time out of their evening to deliver it, but also used their gas money, even in times of crazy inflation. What they didn’t know is that I had just prayed for God to give me ways to give to others. This amazing delivery helped several family members, as well as my own little family. The goodness of God truly has no end.
The key now is to find the balance between giving and receiving. Sowing and reaping.
Know that there is no magic key to God or this lesson in humility. I’m certainly not saying if you pray the same little prayer that I do, anything will happen to you, good or bad. I’m just sharing my experience with you. I hope that my folly has offered you a ray of light that will help lead you away from the trap I fell into. If you seek Him, you will find Him. He is there waiting to unleash blessing into your life. Waiting for us - Gosh, He is so, so good isn’t He?!
Always remember to Learn and Grow.
Me, standing in my kitchen practicing receiving, while waiting for my amazing friends to bring me the first animal they’d processed for me. It’s not easy for me to not be in the thick of it!
