I felt it coming on in the afternoon - tight chest. Hard to breathe. My mind spinning in circles and not really focusing on any one thing. I knew exactly what it was. Ever since the first panic attacks started I’d learned to recognize them coming. If I could identify the trigger and speak peace over myself I usually could keep the anxiety to a dull roar and not enter a full blow panic. I learned how to ride the rough wave until eventually it passed. Sometimes it was only hours others weeks on end. I used to think I was at the mercy of this invisible enemy.

Anxiety seems to have become the buzz word for what we used to just call fear. After dealing with a major crisis in our family I experienced my very first panic attack. Heart pounding, thoughts racing, tunnel vision and nearly passing out while hyperventilating - I had no idea what was happening to me, however my mom who was with me at the time knew exactly what it was. Having been a nurse most of her life she was well versed in emergencies and how people reacted to them. She talked me through that first one there in the target parking lot. Many years have passed since then and I am glad to say I’ve only experienced a handful that were of the same degree. However, anxiety seems to have become a frequent visiting companion in the past few years.

Let’s get one thing out in the open. Anxiety is fear. Plain and simple. This is how I choose to battle it - by calling it out.

There are so many reasons why fear has crept its way into my life. Starting with the cold hard truth my reality is no longer what I’d planned for, lived for and worked so hard for. I’ve learned many lessons in the recent years, but the hardest one is that sometimes people who you trust let you down. HARD.

I am not the kind of person who dwells on painful circumstances. I generally try to get through them as quickly as possible, gleaning the good and letting go of the rest. Perhaps taking the lessons learned and even sharing them with others. There are some events that you cannot process in the moment. There are some circumstances that extend from one day, into the next, into weeks and months and even years. The feelings and emotions that are accumulated during these survival times can take a lifetime to unravel. Sort of like a giant ball of yarn. We have to find the end and slowly start pulling. Sometimes during these events you develop new fears and for me this was the case.

The dust has finally settled from the challenges I’ve walked through during the past couple of years. I can now see where I’m at in life and on the one hand I cannot believe how blessed I am. On the other hand there are things about my life that have to change dramatically in order to continue living the way I desire to. All the changes. All these new things to do. New responsibilities that were not mine to bear before produces the perfectly blended cocktail of fear. I don’t mean the kind of fear that makes you hind under the bed, but the kind of fear that nags at your mind and makes you suddenly burst out in a sweat or tears. The weight of this responsibility hanging heavily as if on a chain around your neck.

As I’ve been healing and working on this issue of fear I’ve learned positive momentum is a great remedy. Taking care of my body, snuggling my children and meditating on scriptures have all been so helpful. Sometimes when I can’t seem to pull out of it calling supportive friends who know the intimate details of my life is also very helpful. These friends are not the kind who pat me on the back, but rather offer suggestions and tell me the hard things I sometimes need to hear. Even with all of these wonderful tools in my belt there are months where the fear seems to have an especially tight grip on me. Winter months being the worst of all.

The lack of sunshine in the winter, the inability to ground in the grass, the slower pace and ample time to think while tucked into my cabin in the snowy northern woods are my worst enemies when it comes to this battle of peace verse fear. This winter as the battle raged on, a new idea floated into my mind like a sparkly speck of dust in a ray of sunshine. A glimmer of hope. An idea that might just work.

*The first ray of sunshine in the new year.*

Over the years I’d seen homesteading YouTubers who suffered from chronic illness use polar plunging to bring relief to their daily pain. I’d learned about the incredible benefits of hydrotherapy while taking the herbal courses to become a certified herbalist. Recently I’d even seen other YouTubers practicing simple cold exposure therapy by walking out into the element with little clothing on. It got my mind thinking and off to research out the matter I went - so to speak.

In my searching I learned that most of the information about cold therapy is either historically based primarily in cold climates like the Netherlands or in sports medicine. There are not many “scientific studies” on cold therapy aka cryotherapy as some call it. Here is an interesting article I found. If you know me much you will know I am spiritually based - I like to see and hear personal testimony more than “scientific evidence” that something works. This is one reason I offer my own new herbal remedies to friends and family in exchanged for sharing their experience with me. If it doesn’t work I change it. If it does work obviously I'm on to something. I am not trusting of large studies because well as we’ve learned money talks and truth is often buried. Sadly.

*Our first day of cold expose therapy 21 degrees F*

After sufficient research and talking with some friends who’d recently done polar plunging I thought okay I’m going to give this a shot. I decided that the benefits seemed outweigh the risks and who better to learn from than my own body. I was shocked to find out that cold exposure therapy, as I like to call it, touted the ability to combat anxiety by boosting the mood. So one cold and snowy winter morning I got up and went outside and experienced my first cold exposure therapy session. I was surprised that even being dripping wet and it only being 21 degrees it wasn’t that hard to stand out there for 3 minuets. I decided to try again the next morning and the next. I’ve been doing cold exposure therapy for about two months now roughly six days a week. I’ve been out in as low as -11 degrees. That was pretty cold.

The question remains - So did it work??

After building this cold exposure therapy discipline I have found that my spirits are indeed lifted after going outside for as little as 3 minuets each morning! Such a simple thing to do yet so effective. I find that the boosted mood lasts for long enough to help me set the tone of my day. My 3 children have joined me on occasion and there is a notable difference in how well the morning flows from before we go out into the cold air and after.

One of my farovite things to do to help with anxiety is to get outside and ground. If you’ve not heard of this it is where you simply put your bare feet on the earth for a time. Twenty minuets is preferable - but not always possible in a cold climate like ours due to the cold factor. The purpose is diffusing the build up of static electricity in the body and literally grounding yourself. I have been surprised at the difference in my mood after practicing this. I wondered would it be safe to do this in the snow? If I could get past the freezing cold feeling that is. Sure enough I found this article talking about a woman who does this regularly. So I gave it a shot. Much to my surprise it only added to the anxiety relief.

My theory is that people who experience an abundance of fear are generally people who think a lot. Our minds are going a million miles an hour day and night. We have trouble being in our bodies so to speak - or present in the here and now. I certainly fit this category. The reason cold exposure works is that it forces your mind to calm down and focus on only one thing. Warming up your body.

Of course there are many factors to consider before choosing to expose yourself to the elements and I’m certainly no doctor. I strongly suggest doing your own research and consulting with your personal medical team before trying cold exposure therapy. Some of the risks are frost bite which could lead to permanent nerve damage and loss of limbs. No small thing. There are plenty of articles out there warning people about cold exposure. Even my own weather apps chirp out these warnings throughout the winter months. Be prepared and don’t hesitate to call it off if you feel it’s not going well. This post is simply my own observations and experience meant to stimulate curiosity and encourage you on your own journey.

But if you do decide to join me - I will be out there tomorrow morning facing the elements. Joining you in spirit.

When that cold air hits my flesh I immediately am drawn into that moment. Nothing else exists. The frozen pine trees swaying gently in the breeze. The sunrise just cresting the distant mountain to the east. The sweet song of the winter birds as they arouse the earth to awaken once again. The crisp cold air fills my lungs as I focus on breathing slowly, deeply and intentionally. Tingles creep up my feet as my bear toes are buried in the soft white snow. I am alive and blessed to be so.

Learn & Grow

-Esther Munroe

Cold Exposure Therapy: A Cure For Anxiety?

Be Still And Know

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